


The Gang Fake Dates

by trapezoidscheme



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, First Kiss, M/M, fake dating YEET
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-26
Packaged: 2018-11-05 07:44:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11009019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trapezoidscheme/pseuds/trapezoidscheme
Summary: Radio Q102 is hosting a cutest couples contest and it's anyone's game.Classic fake dating Chardee vrs Macdennis. Who will win? Who will lose? Who will top? Who will bottom?





	The Gang Fake Dates

**Author's Note:**

  * For [patroclusandachilles (echelonlove)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/echelonlove/gifts).



Charlie and Dee march into the bar holding hands on a Tuesday afternoon, sporting matching triumphant grins.

“What the hell is this?” Frank says, eyebrows furrowed. Charlie and Dee haven’t been on speaking terms since last week because of the Lemon Incident, so the hand holding was entirely unprecedented.

Mac throws out his arms at Charlie in silent affront. They definitely have talked about this, and decided that if either of them were going to hook up with a Reynolds twin, they were going to have a conversation about it first.

There was no conversation that predated this hand-holding-smiley bullshit. 

Charlie shakes his head in response, holds up a finger to indicate that there is an explanation coming. Dee lets go of Charlie once the doors close, flops into a bar stool and silently gestures for Dennis to get her a drink.

“So what is going on?” Dennis asks, holding out a bottle of beer for Dee. She takes it gratefully, takes a sip before she starts to talk.

“Charlie and I are entering the cutest couple competition that RadioQ102 is hosting,” Dee says around a swallow.

Mac guffaws, slapping the countertop with an open palm. Dee and Charlie? Cutest couple? The alley cats behind Charlie’s apartment get along better than those two.

“Laugh it up, asshole, the grand prize is a thousand dollars and some free concert tickets!” Dee says. The room goes silent. Frank gives a low whistle. 

“A thousand-- a thousand dollars?” Dennis clarifies, staring at Dee. A slow smiling is spreading across his face, an idea forming in the back of his head.

Dee nods. “And me and Charlie are winning this shit!” She reaches across the bar and high fives Charlie enthusiastically. Charlie pulls away with a yelp, rubbing at his palm. 

“Well, if you guys can do this fake couple bullshit, then so can me and Dennis,” Mac pipes up. Dennis grins, clapping Mac on the back. Great minds really do think alike.

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do, buddy!”

~~~

“Okay, but do we actually have to wear these shirts?” Mac asks. He and Dennis stand together in front of a mirror, contemplating their chosen outfits. The shirts are ridiculous: bright red with a big gloved hand pointing to the other person, with “I’m His” written underneath in big bold letters. Mac had already cut the sleeves off of his while Dennis wasn’t looking.

“Yes Mac, don’t you know anything about being an American couple?” Dennis says, annoyance coloring his words. As if he knows what romance is any better than Mac does. The closest he and Maureen ever got to matching clothes was the time she sewed cat hair into his favorite sweater while he was sleeping.

“I don’t know dude, me and Carmen never did this stuff…” Mac says, scratching the back of his neck. 

“That’s because you and  _ Carmen _ \--” Dennis bites out, then takes a deep breath, collects himself. He feels his own anger bubbling under the surface, and fighting is the last thing they need to be doing if they want a single chance of winning this contest.

“Me and Carmen what, bro?” Mac asks, turning to Dennis, his face contorted in rage.

Dennis forces his expression to soften, cups Mac’s face with both hands and stays silent, forcing the other to stare into his eyes. “Breathe with me, baby boy,” Dennis coos softly as Mac’s face relaxes. “It’s okay, we’re okay.”

Mac sighs, closes his eyes and leans into Dennis’s touch.

Yeah, they’ve got this in the bag.

~~~

When Mac and Dennis show up to the bar that morning, Charlie is already there, holding an ice pack to his eye and drinking straight vodka. There are three long red scratches going down the side of his cheek, and his hair is sticking straight up like he’s been electrocuted. Knowing Charlie, he very well might have been.

“Me and Dee were trying to live together her apartment,” Charlie explains when Mac raises his eyebrows at the injuries. Oh, shit. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Dennis sneers, sliding into a bar stool next to Mac. Mac makes a big show of kissing Dennis on the cheek and Charlie rolls his good eye at the display.

“No, no, we’re great!” Dee says, baring her teeth at Dennis as she sidles up next to Charlie and puts her arm around him. He flinches at first but then matches her grin, carefully leans his head on her shoulder. Dee’s got a few injuries of her own, too-- a bruise colors her left cheek and her front tooth is definitely chipped. 

“Yeah, yeah, just a lover’s quarrel is all,” Charlie says.

Mac and Dennis turn to each other and smile.

~~~

“I’ve never actually… done this before?” Mac’s voice goes up at the end of his sentence, like he’s asking a question. He and Dennis are sitting on the couch, laptop pulled up in front of them, scrolling through one of their competitor’s instagram feed. The couple is disgustingly cute; every other picture is of them kissing or holding hands. 

“Done what, dude?” Dennis asks distractedly. He’s twisting his head, looking at the pictures from different angles, trying to figure out what can be so romantic about a hiking trip. Wouldn’t the bugs just ruin everything? 

“I mean if we’re going to-- if we’re going to take pictures like  _ that _ …” Mac trails off, eyes trained firmly on his hands winding around each other in his lap.

“Like what, Mac?” Dennis says, tearing his attention away from the screen, turning to look at Mac. “Spit it out, come on.”

“I’ve never-- I’ve never kissed a man before,” Mac says quietly. 

“Oh my God,” Dennis groans, putting his head in his hands. He stays like that for a while, lets Mac stew in the awkwardness before actually responding. “It’s just like kissing a girl, dude, I promise,” he finally says. 

Mac nods, licks his lips nervously. “Can we like-- you know….” he says.

“Sure, Mac, fine, whatever,” Dennis says hurriedly. He doesn’t have time for Mac’s insecurities today, not when they have a thousand dollars to win. 

“Alright, so how do you wanna--” Mac is cut off when Dennis winds a hand around his neck and unceremoniously crashes their lips together. Dennis’s lips are chapped, more chapped than Mac imagined they would be (not that he’s thought about kissing Dennis before, not that he has ‘accidentally’ stolen Dennis’s chapstick before for the express purpose of thinking about what it would be like to kiss Dennis). It takes a few long seconds of Dennis moving against Mac’s mouth before Mac flies into action, latches his teeth onto Dennis’s bottom lip and tangles a hand into his hair. 

There’s a bright flash and a click, and Dennis pulls away, one hand holding his phone and the other wiping his mouth. Dennis is already halfway through writing a cute caption for the picture on Instagram when Mac’s brain catches up.

“What the hell was that?” he asks. “Did you just take a picture?” 

Dennis doesn’t answer, just shows Mac the posted picture. Mac’s eyes are screwed shut and Dennis is making eye contact with the camera, eyes crinkled in a smile. The caption reads “Him” with an entirely excessive amount of smiley and heart emojis. 

Dennis is smiling at him and Mac feels a flutter in his chest and he’s definitely fucked beyond belief.

Yeah. They’ve definitely got this in the bag.

**Author's Note:**

> hang out with me on tumblr! i'm @ mcpoylehateblog  
> thank you so much to @ eletha on tumblr for beta-ing !!  
> this is definitely unfinished, i just ran out of time.  
> more chapters to come??


End file.
